More Humour

Taken from Marty's great book

"A Look At The Bright Side"

ISBN 0-7316-4237-6

"DETONATING DUNNIES"

Toilets in Vietnam, particularly at 145 Signal Squadron came in 2 types, for urinating the arrangement was a drain pipe with a funnel soldered to the top, this was driven a few feet into the sand. For the other flinction the latrines were sawn off fuel drums supported over fairly deep pits, a 'wooden seat was placed on top for comfort. The latrines were located on the side of a large sand dune which provided a magnificent view of the South China Sea and coastline stretching away to the north east. On one occasion I recall seeing a warship on the horizon shelling some distant point inland and thinking that it was indeed bizarre, in Australia one might idly dwell on a well thumbed copy of a girlee magazine but in Vietnam the entertainment was not so sublime.
The latrines had to be burnt off about once a week and this was accomplished by pouring in a quantity of diesel fuel and igniting it with some burning rag or paper. The smell created and which lingered for the rest of the day is one of those that etches itself into the memory and is quite unmistakable.
Ignition was sometimes not easy to achieve and this was overcome by the mixing of some petrol with the dieseline. On the occasion a sergeant (Sergeant Stokes) visited the latrine and being a smoker, did afterwards with his cigarette butt as many smokers do in that position, You guessed it, the mixture of diesel and petrol had not been previously lit and in the heat of the day there had been vapourisation of the petrol.
In the daytime the only garments we wore were our hats, shorts and boots and so the sergeant had been, in effect, sitting naked, not that this would have been entirely apparent because he had enough hair on his back and chest to rival an orangutan.
The ignition of the vapours by the discarded butt was more akin to the exhaust of a Phantom fighterbomber with the afterburners switched on rather than that of an explosion. Nevertheless it was sufficient to hurl the stocky little bloke into the air, then he rolled smouldering down the steep sand hill. Luckily he survived with superficial burns and a loss of much hair. Despite being a decent sort of bloke the sergeant's misfortune provided much amusement for the rest of the camp as well as a cautionery lesson.
PAUL WEAVER. R.A. SIGS. 1966-67

BAGGY ARSE

The CSM, Admin. coy 7RAR called a morning parade in the Nui Dat lines. Moving up and down the columns he stopped in front of a particular national serviceman and eyed him head to foot. "Private Russell you really make a slack baggy-arse soldier". Russell replied, "yes sir, but I would make a bute civilian".
PETER RUSSELL

"HE MUST HAVE THREE OF THEM"

Eleven platoon D coy 5RAR, with a new intake of national servicemen, was called to attention for roll call by a certain Sergeant Hyland. He laboured through the names in alpha order until he arrived at 'Treblecock'.
Throwing his voice up ten octaves he yelled, "Private Treblecock". No answer. Again he screamed, "Treblecock", still no response. Hyland marched across to a digger in the front rank, stopped two inches from his nose and whispered quietly. "What's your name, soldier?" "Treblecoe, sergeant." "How do you spell it, son?" "TREBLECOCK" was the timid reply.
Hyland's face went a lighter shade of pale. He looked Private Treblecock square in the eyes and screamed: "In my book that spells Treblecock and when I call it you answer. UNDERSTAND."
"Yes sergeant," was the meek response.
FRANK MOORE, SRAR.

"EYES RIGHT"

On my first visit to Vietnam in 1967 we were warmly welcomed in Nui Dat. The boys had gone to no end of trouble to make us welcome, even going as far as establishing a ladies' loo at the end of a pathway. This consisted of hessian walls (which one's head protruded over when seated); there was also a dish and jug of water with soap and towel. It was very considerate of them. I found it necessary to take advantage of this facility and whilst seated had to smile and wave to a never-ending stream of troops who marched by. Everyone was extremely thoughtful and I was extremely pink.
LORRAE DESMOND, Aussie Entertainer, NUI DAT

"LADIES REMAIN SEATED"

A certain SAS sergeant was ordered by his commanding officer to construct a toilet for a visiting Australian female entertainer. He took this task to heart and constructed a latrine that would do the Hilton complex proud. Unknown to his eager helpers he wired a twenty watt speaker under the polished seat and ran the cord to a concealed area some fifty metres away.
Enter the pretty young lady had the troops halfout of their heads with her music and sensuous gyrations, she retired to her latrine to do what narure commands. Waiting for her was this particular sergeant, transmitter in hand. He gave her five minutes start and said through the microphone:
"Hang on there, darling, we're still digging down here!"
She came out a lot quicker than she went in, giving this lecherous 'snake' a glimpse of something he hadn't seen since he left Australia some months beforehand.
ANON.

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