TO ALL DIGGERS WITH A SENCE OF HUMOUR
WITH JUST A DASH OF PARANOIA
Dear Ed.
Check the back door first, then the windows on the sunnyside of the house, then the front door..next check the
phone . If it's working disable the easycall and dial any telephone number omitting the last digit and leave phone
off hook . Write note to your next of kin (in biro) on envelope paper (include details of bank money, black money
and pin numbers and stashes) wrap the note in gladwrap eight times the size of the note and enclose package
in kids water balloon tied with rubber bands then swallow. (hopefully you will have enough money for the 'beat
the autopsy payment' which our co-ordinator will facilitate if your escape fails and the 'clean up squad needs
despatching.)
Put on two pairs of trousers, two shirts, two pair socks, one set light coloured one set dark. (light colours on top
if daylight hours) Get all the documents you have on the DVA wrap them in newspaper a couple of times and
then put two or three newspapers top and bottom, tie with string . Fill garbage bag with crumpled newspapers
wetting (lightly) with zippo fluid, hair spray or similar wet flammable
...go to toilet for nervous piss.
next steps vital to survival
check time against this list : mon 3 tues 4 wed 2 thurs 6 frid 7 sat 1 sun 5 the figure next to the day
represents the number of minutes past midnight on the day that the sattelite begins its scan. the scans are 360
degrees and take exactly sixty minutes....the scans occur in segments (or wedges ) of four minutes and are
movement based (plus heat for locating) the first four minutes of the cycle are for locating and movement is not
able to be recorded (a cost cutting measure opened this window)....therefore if the time was now 1300hrs on
thursday between 1306 and 1310 you can move.......if it was saturday 0100 hrs you can move between 0101
and 0105. the only exception to the rule is 1700 hrs on any day.......the five o'clock follies are alive and well
thirty years later...warning.....they do not reset the satellite at 1700 so All movement is recorded.
ring police and send them to address in next street north from your location claiming man at side of house has been stabbed and
you heard women screaming........then ring fire brigade and tell them your video caught fire and that all the tapes are burning in your
library and that the extinguisher doesn't seem to put them out; send them to house in street south of you. then ring ambulance and
tell them you think you are having a heart attack and that you are a Vietnam Vet and have a claim in with the DVA for ischaemic
heart disease and that you are waiting for the claims assesor to overide the doctors report so that you can get to the VRB for your
knockback and get your section 31 in to the department with the new medical evidence and could you please ask the driver to hurry
otherwise your wife is going to have to do a shitload of paperwork if you die. Send the Ambo to a house on the west side
..warning....make sure the house you send the ambo to is not valued at more than twenty five thousand dollars otherwise they will
see through your subterfuge....
you must complete these calls a few minutes before window time
after you have done your sums go out of a window on the dark side of the house and walk confidently to the
roadway (remember you have four minutes for this manouevre) head east and after a few paces if you have not
encountered human intervention place garbage bag near kerb and walk briskly until three minutes have
elapsed, then make yourself comfortable for 56 minutes and enjoy the commotion in the neighbourhood. When
your next four minute window arrives keep heading east and if there is no human intervention take off top set of
clothes.(Another cost cutting measure set the satellite in black and white. When you change it thinks you are
someone else and looks everywhere for you) .Make your way to a motel near a shopping centre and purchase
hire book or video of "Farenheit 451" (video is best , gets us to you quicker) watch video or read book and a
childhood memory will be revealed . That memory is the clue. The name of the person revealed by your memory
(same name as one of your relatives friends) is on one of the ex-service organisation committees ring him and
he will despatch the retrieval team. If you encounter human intervention during the first window you have only
one chance. As soon as their operative speaks a challenge, throw the garbage bag at him and leap left. The
incendiary tip on his projectile will ignite the garbage bag which confuses the satellite and under the "Minor
Allies R.O.E." Australian operatives are only allowed one round and must immediately return to
M.R.D.C.(memory removal and discharge compound)
The new issue pistols pull severely to the left and the machos they have in the agency these days won't let on
that the things are real pigs. The garbage bag routines work fine as the fools send the operatives straight to
MRCD without a debrief and haven't twigged as yet . All they know is that the liquidation dribbled . The garbage
bag being thrown at them always gets a tiny reaction and is enough to make the pistol unwieldy The
misdirection caused and the psychology of 'fight and flight' makes accuracy difficult with all those forces
working at once. Don't worry about the operative trying to squeeze off another one as the new breed are put
through a revamped "Code of Conduct " course similar to those run in the sixties by the army at woodside
followed by another course with nine milers before breakfast and pulling the truck up a hill with ropes while the
instructor rode the brakes. and of course once the chip is implanted they do everything that Big Charlie tells
them.
Do not make the mistake of not following these instructions to the letter. We lost one last year as he decided
that if the pistol pulled to the left then he should jump to the right....think about it ....he didn't.!
We lost one earlier this year when he snuk in an extra phone call .All calls from U.S.P.'s (under surveillance
people) are directed to mainframe thirty which is instant response and the game is up. (as that poor bugger
discovered. ) Emergency numbers are redirected to mainframe twenty which processes the calls and only
reacts if it is an operative looking for help which prompts the despatch of a Liquidation team. Other calls are
redirected to telecom and by the time it hits the second loop you're already out the window.
The bedlam caused by your emergency calls gets everybody out into the street making you a face in the crowd
and the transmissions from sirens,radios and equipment puts the satellite into nervous breakdown mode
similar to that experienced by Vetnetters when the list is held
When the escape is complete and your documents have been authenticated you will receive a new identity as a
Vietnam Vet and be issued with the following.....: three dysfunctional families, guaranteed poverty income
(called Vets pension) an implant chip containing programmes with really strange memories and nightmares, a
team of government carers who couldn't give a rats, special discounts on cars you can't afford, gold cards that
get you incorrect diagnoses (diagnoseses?) (sorry my background is clerical not medical) 44gallon drumfulls of
multicoloured uppers,downers,inners,outers,sleepers,shouters; Permanent brewers droop.and a touchy feely
counsellor who'll help you cope with the anger, frustration,rage,disappointment and sorrow that we will issue to
you.You will be provided with an appetite for drugs and alcohol. Enough pugilism skills to keep you alive and
partly conscious in the bar room brawls where the steroid pumped punks will batter the crap out of you so they
can brag they "took out" a vietnam vet Then we will give you lots of truckloads of promises to offend your
integrity.
then we'll say "Welcome Home" Ed.
Hope you make it
Patch
www.xmrc.com
P.S.
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after reading this message please eat your computer.
P Phelps.
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